May 2012
1 post
January 2012
1 post
#Hello30
A reintroduction of sorts. They call me Amy, a stupid plain name if you ask me. Had I of been consulted in this decision, I would have named myself any of the following:
Amelia
Eliza
Phoebe
Stella
I am bordering on the age of 30.. in something like 2 weeks. I’ve got big plans for this: spin class at 6:30am; work; more gym; home. I plan on spending the next 3-5 years at 30 so I need...
June 2011
1 post
April 2011
1 post
Everything changes
If you had asked me 6 months ago what I would be doing today, it would not be, ‘updating my tumblr from the apartment I share with my boyfriend.” It’s absolutely amazing how quickly things changed in 6 months. Everyone who knows me, knows I am a relationship phobe. I don’t trust people, I push you away and I make it a point to make it hurt you. I still don’t...
March 2011
1 post
I’m feeling a bit lost. Cloudy at best. Too much change to process all at once. Time to take a step back.
January 2011
1 post
.2011.
This year I want to:
.Spend as much time as possible with Alexia
.Love more
.Reconnect with some key people in my life
.Read more
.Cook more
.Take a lot of pictures
.Ice skate
.Write
.Explore
.Meditate more
.Test myself
.Listen to more music
.Start running again
.Be more selfless
.Be more involved
.Take more deep breaths
.Cherish every moment, good and bad
.Save and budget my...
December 2010
1 post
October 2010
14 posts
“An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than...”
– Huxley (via spendle72)
Not everything has to be an epic fail.
Bad Nursing
In the ER with my sister - one nurse came in to give her pain meds. She left on a stretcher for x-rays, another nurse came in to give her the same pain meds because the first nurse didn’t document. Fail.
“Only passions, great passions can elevate the soul to great things.”
– Denis Diderot (via bitchville)
“And everywhere I go, there’s always something to remind me of another place and...”
– Remind Me by Röyksopp (via somethingintellectual)
Passions... and stuff.
I am 28. Twenty. Eight. I should not being trying to figure these things out in life now. I should have had all of these things already figured out. I should be settled down, done with school and hopefully in a career I like. Instead, I am having quarter life crisis’, going out of work on leave of absences, and discovering after putting myself in the most dangerous position I has ever...
September 2010
10 posts
Unexpected
This morning, I crawled out of bed.. seriously feeling like hell. I threw on shoes, brushed my hair and teeth, washed my faced and in my sweats that I slept in headed to the hospital for my blood work. I am feeling particularly shitty and down. I have a shifty mood.. up and down and all around and I feel like a fucking guinea pig.. a very unsupported one at that. I am also very lethargic,...
“Don’t write so that you can be understood, write so that you can’t be...”
– William Howard Taft (via bitchville)
“Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by...”
– Unknown (via bitchville)
“Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.”
– Oscar Wilde (via bitchville)
All I want
Is to be able to get my thoughts out of my head.. Either on paper or via blog or photos. I have this mental block. I can’t express myself. At all.
“The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and...”
– Tom Bodett (via bitchville)
“Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the...”
– Kevin Arnold (via bitchville)
I am destined to become this old cat lady. A cat lady with a bad red box/netflix habit. It’s recently come to my attention that while I make it a point to be alone, I am actually pretty lonely. Not only am I lonely but I am too bitter/scared to explore anything else. So, I basically pussy out of anything that could be a relationship, I sabotage it. In lieu of that I drink a lot of coffee...
I used to laugh and mean it. I need to find that girl.
I want...
I want to create something beautiful with my life. I want to create something inspiring. I want to create something relevant, something with emotion, something powerful. I want to make you think when I’m not around.
August 2010
3 posts
I cant seem to get centered. I’m detached, like completely detached from life. From everything that was important to me. I came out of the hospital thinking positive, thinking ahead and somehow sank into the deepest depression I have ever been in before. I have this suitcase packed. I’m ready to up and leave, no questions asked. Just go. I’ve become completely enveloped in...
July 2010
11 posts
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger,...”
– Pema Chödrön
a breath of new life.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last several days. This life I’ve been living is such a sham, and so not me. I’ve struggled a lot in the past with identity, I still do now. I try to be the Amy, that whoever I am with in that moment wants me to be. I am: Mommy-Amy, Working-Amy, Good Times-Amy.. there are all these different versions of me, to satisfy everyone...
This is a last ditch effort to save whats left of me. Wish me luck.
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From...”
– Sylvia Plath - The Bell Jar
full circle?
I find myself in territory I haven’t seen in a long time. I’m teetering right now, between okay and not okay. I’ve kind of known for weeks that I was leaning the wrong way.. but at the same time.. this wrong way makes Amy happy. She’s laughs, she enjoys life, her work is focused and complete, she lives with passion.. so much passion. She’s not depressed by any...
i cant pretend to care about anything. i just want an out. i want it to end. i want everything to just.. stop.
Is pretty sure her world fell apart and the pieces are too complicated to put back together.
Shhhh
Secrets are not things I typically seem to have, at least not secrets of my own. I mean, I don’t know that secret is the right word, but holding back things from some of my friends, most definitely. I’m a pretty open person, especially with my girls.. what an awkward situation.
21 days...
They say it takes 21 days to change or break a bad habit. I wonder how long it will take to shift the direction of my life. The next 10 weeks will be pretty interesting, and very tell-tale of the future for me. Change is and always has been a very hard thing for me to digest. I like being comfortable. I don’t like the unknown. I am nervous of the new territory I am setting my feet...
June 2010
4 posts
and purge.
Today, I purge my belongings. I do laundry. I clean out my personal space. Today, I want to step forward in to the things that have created fear in me for so long. No more of this shaking at the core bs… it’s time. It’s time to live for the things I love. The things that make me.. me. I don’t think I’m as lost as I think I am.. I think I am just more scared of...
self-sabotage.
One of the dictionary’s definition of the word sabotage is: any undermining of a cause. What if that cause, is your life? Self sabotage is a common theme in my life. It’s not that I don’t want to be happy and settled. There is level of thinking I have, where I feel like, I just don’t deserve it. I don’t know where it came from, but.. it’s been there for so...
Kind of feels unguided..
I feel slightly uninspired. That’s right, uninspired and I am perfectly content with everything right now.. work and interpersonal relationships included. This makes no sense since I am not sad or depressed, I’m actually quite the opposite right now. I just feel like something’s missing or lacking. I just can’t put my finger on it though. Its the strangest feeling, like...
...not at all what was expected.
A friend of mine recently posed a question to me that I found somewhat interesting. “When you were 16, is this how you imagined your life would be?” Obviously my response to this was a big hell the eff no. Then again what did I know at 16.. or what does any 16 year old really know? Most live in this sheltered “reality” of hopes and dreams. I am sure that for some these...
March 2009
1 post
my chest is ACHING.