They say it takes 21 days to change or break a bad habit. I wonder how long it will take to shift the direction of my life. The next 10 weeks will be pretty interesting, and very tell-tale of the future for me. Change is and always has been a very hard thing for me to digest. I like being comfortable. I don’t like the unknown. I am nervous of the new territory I am setting my feet into. It’s time though, time for me to stop worrying about the things and the people that don’t matter and are completely insignificant and focus on the things that matter, the things that mean something. The things that make me… me. The things I am so seriously afraid of screwing up, that I give them minimal attention… because the less I invest in them.. the less chance I have in messing them up.
I have to admit, my implusive nature and my irrationality have wreaked habit in nearly every facet of my life in the last two weeks. I’ve held on strong to my impulsivity.. that whole.. do now, ask questions later. I don’t think it’s been a right or healthy move for me. It’s caused a lot of confusion, and heartache and general annoyance.
My head is NOT where I thought it was. Not at all. I hear sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can come together. I’d like to put behind me the last 8 weeks. A huge error in judgments that are so out of character for me, at least on that level. There are people in my life, who I have ejected. There are several more to come down the road I am sure. It’s all about weeding out the toxic and trying to determine who is most important. The people who love you no matter what, and won’t necessarily take care of you, but support you.. and tell you when you are wrong. Sometimes, you need to hear those things. I just need the positive. There’s no room for negativity anymore, I just want to smile, to be happy, to be at ease. I just my own serenity.. and I will have it. Soon enough.
